Beauty and Love

I've realized, once again, that beauty is not skin or fur-deep. Seeing beauty comes from the soul.

I first met Shyla about six weeks after K's death. That's the soonest that I've ever invited a new dog into my life after a death. In retrospect, it probably was too soon but the stars aligned in such a way that I knew that Shyla was meant to be with us.

However, for my heart, it wasn't easy. Shyla was an almost-adult dog who lacked life experience and had many fears. Because she wasn't a tiny puppy, I irrationally thought that she "should" be like K. Indeed, I was reduced to tears more than once as I wished with all my heart that Shyla was K. That's a terrible admission to make to anyone - but it's the heart-wrenching truth.

Of course, I cared for Shyla immediately and wanted to help her. However, that's different from having a deep bond with her.

Today I realized that I haven't compared Shyla and K even once in recent memory. I will miss K forever but this incredible young dog has stolen my heart. She has her own soul, mind, and personality - and our bond has grown to a level that I didn't think would ever be possible again.

One of the awful things that I said in those first weeks after I met Shyla was that she wasn't as beautiful as K. In retrospect, I realize that my perception of beauty depends on the depth of my love. Now, in every sense of the word, Shyla is beautiful to me. I see it every time I look at her. She melts my heart.

I've seen how sweet she is with people, both me and others. She has an intuition about what I need - she naturally knows when to rest her head on my knee, lean into a hug, or snuggle with me.

She goes to my Physical Therapy appointments with me, and she has become a clinic favorite. Employees and patients both adore her for her sensitive and loving spirit. I even get asked to introduce her to specific patients who might enjoy having their appointments lightened up by meeting Shyla. She's still working on being comfortable with strangers so her "intuition" about what specific people need is not perfect yet. But, I can see that it will grow strong with time and more life experience.

As you may be able to tell from these photos, Shyla and I watched the sun rise into clear skies together this morning - one of my favorite things in the world. It was very cold and a winter wind buffeted us. My fingers rapidly became blocks of ice as I tried to capture Shyla's beauty with my camera. The snow swirling around Shyla in the photo above and stuck to her face in many of the photos is from blowing snow, not fresh snowfall.

The amazing thing is how Shyla and I both love to be outdoors in our mountains, no matter what the conditions. I never needed to teach Shyla to love the mountains - it was part of her soul from Day One with us. Her name means "Daughter of the Mountains", and it suits her perfectly.

Today, as I pedaled and she ran on the snowy trails, we enjoyed our harsh but gorgeous mountain trails together. And, every time I looked at Shyla, I saw incredible beauty.

P.S. My internet has been very erratic since our storms so I apologize in advance if I can't post or visit blogs.

The past and the future

Many dog-lovers have traveled the road that I'm on now. I lost my heart dog, K, and I am trying to regain my footing. K and I had a very special bond - she was truly my best friend. When I learned that she had osteosarcoma, I literally collapsed, and I couldn't visualize how I'd go on living after she was gone. Somehow I have gone on, although it feels as if I've been in a trance-like state.

Almost a year ago, K had a birthday. In retrospect, it seems as if I had an inkling that it would be her last even though she wasn't old. She and I had multiple celebration adventures. We hiked, we played fetch, and she played with R in mountain lakes. I treasured every instant of them, and K did as well.

I knew that I'd eventually invite a new dog into my life after K passed. I thought that it would "help my heart to heal". Indeed, six and a half weeks after K died, Shyla arrived. She is sensitive, smart, and incredibly loving. Her spirit and resilience are incredible.  I already know that Shyla is going to be a special part of my life for a long time. I also believe that the hard socialization work that we're doing now is helping to build a deep bond between us.

Shyla is a chocolate Lab and so was K. I've always adored Chocolate Labs. When I first saw one as a young adult, I declared that he was the most beautiful dog that I'd ever seen. Ever since then, when it's been my choice, I've always chosen a Chocolate Lab. Fortunately, each dog has such a unique personality that the physical similarities among my dogs are no big deal for me.

By the time K was about 2 years old, she and I were seasoned partners in life. We moved in sync and could anticipate each other's actions and moods. In contrast, because Shyla is a young dog and new to me, we are still getting to know each other. Shyla is a naive puppy, through-and-through. I have to supervise her carefully, and she surprises me every single day with some off-the-wall behavior that I didn't expect. I took this photo when an unexpected case of the zoomies possessed Shyla, and my shutter speed wasn't fast enough! I love the blurred and crazy effect - just as "zoomies" should be!

I've laughed every single day since Shyla arrived, and I smile when I look in her eyes. I spontaneously tell her that I love her when she looks to me for reassurance as we navigate the big new world that can be scary for her. I'm ecstatic that she and I have so many adventures to look forward to.

But, I have to admit that I don't think that my heart will "heal" from losing K anytime soon, even though Shyla is wonderful beyond words. So, I'm in a funny in-between state of reveling in getting to know my new puppy's spirit and remembering my best friend K. At least once a day, a memory of K hits me so hard that I stop in my tracks and tears fill my eyes.

Today, I remembered how K loved to put her head on my shoulder and then let out a long and contented sigh. I'd always answer her with a contented sigh of my own. We both knew how lucky we were. A bond like ours leaves paw prints on a person's heart forever.

Yet, at the same time, my heart is falling for Shyla. What a goofy combination of emotions - grief and optimistic happiness - to have mixed up inside me.

I think that R is falling for his new sister too. They like to snuggle up together for naps, and I watch with deep tenderness.

Thanks for reading this post... I wanted to write it all down so that I could read it in the future when I am further along in this journey. I also thought that my thoughts about this transition time might help someone else who is recovering from a loss as deep as mine.