Have you ever walked to the edge of a cliff and peeked over the edge, realizing that the desert floor is thousands of feet below you?
A couple of different things could underlie them. One is a rare autoimmune disease that tends to attack the lungs and the specific lymph nodes that are inflamed in my chest. The other is scarier and starts with a "C". Tomorrow, I'll be having a PET scan (no, that won't examine how many pets I have!). It'll give more information about the kind of cells that make up the "lung nodules" and inhabit my lymph nodes. It'll also scan the rest of my body for abnormal cells.
I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't scared. I think that I was drawn to cliffs during our trip to the desert because I feel like I'm teetering, not knowing whether I'll be able to stay precariously balanced in this situation. Unfortunately, I probably won't get definitive answers tomorrow or even anytime too soon. I suspect that even more procedures will be needed to distinguish between the diseases and decide what to do.
My greatest hope is that the disease won't start with a "C". Rather, it will be an autoimmune disease that I can learn to manage.
I also hope that by peeking over this scary cliff, I'll learn more about my character and will be stronger in the long run. By being forced to face this potentially life-threatening situation, I hope that I'll learn to rejoice in the time that I'm given on this Earth. I already try to do that. "Seize the day" is my motto and is the main reason why we took our desert trip despite this medical drama. But I know that I can do better and I shall.
I'll keep you all posted... but, be warned, this is one of the slowest-moving dramas that you can imagine. I don't foresee a conclusion tomorrow or the next day.
During our trip, I wanted to step back from that mythical cliff and feel balanced again. Believe it or not, it happened. My K danced on slick-rock, making me grin ear-to-ear.