Each day counts

Imagine if K and I had given up on our outdoor adventures back when she was diagnosed with osteosarcoma on December 23. Think of all that we would have missed. We would have missed yesterday evening's gorgeous lighting on a meadow.

K wouldn't have danced in the grass with the sun setting behind her.

She wouldn't have run through the meadow full of happiness. Look at those clear and determined eyes! I'm so glad that I decided to ignore the vets' advice to keep her on a leash for the rest of her life!

And, she would have missed playing with her brother on every evening hike.

There's a lesson for me here, too. Every single day is one day in my limited and precious life, just like it's a day in K's all-too-short life. It's hard to realize that important fact until the end of life looms too close. If there's a gift from this terrible disease, it's that I've learned even more acutely how gloriously precious each day is.

The good days continue...

K continues to amaze me. I felt a bit sad this morning but K wanted to play. She brought me a stick and pranced excitedly waiting for me to throw it. She was so close to my face that she's not even in focus!

We played a happy game of fetch with the most incredible backdrop that I can imagine. As always, K knew what I needed and made me smile!

During our morning rides with just the two of us, K has been playing a game that she created as a puppy. She adores doing recalls because I emphasize them so much in our training. They are nothing but fun, fun, fun! So, as a youngster, K started "hiding" to entice me to call "K Come!". She was training me.

After I figured out that this "game" actually could become annoying by the 14th repeat within one walk, I stopped calling her when she "disappeared". Instead, I'd point at her and say "I see you!". Then, I'd go get her... After a while, she stopped "hiding" quite so often.

Well, since she's become sick, I've started letting her play her game again. So, she hid in plain sight this morning in the photo above, and I complied with her wishes by calling her. I love how happy a recall makes her!

I've learned that her good energy level is typical for a dog in her stage of osteosarcoma. Apparently, the "decline" is usually very short and fast when the lungs become too filled with cancer to deliver enough oxygen. In a way, a fast decline is a blessing... K can keep having fun until almost the end of the journey.

After her morning run with me, K usually snoozes on the deck, resting up for our sunset hike.

Then, K bursts into action again, playing with her brother during our evening hike. R is definitely a faster runner than K at this point.

But, K hasn't given up trying to outrun him. She even employs her ears to try to fly!

I've found a great forum (tripawds.com) where people with dogs going through cancers, and particularly osteosarcoma, can share experiences and support each other. When I posted about K's grim prognosis, one of the wonderful people there included this quote in her reply: "When you start missing what isn't gone, you lose what's left."

I couldn't agree more. I shall remember those words in the coming days, weeks, and hopefully months.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Snow!

Guess who sneaked forward from a "stay" while my back was turned?

We're coming to get you!

Let me tell you a secret...

Sunset after the romping

Darkening

Peaceful dusk

A peaceful glow

K and I headed out for our mountain romp this morning, running atop a melted layer of snow that fell the other night. It's a true "spring snow", and is already completely melted this afternoon.

I felt an unexpected peacefulness throughout our ride this morning. My heart was overwhelmed with gratitude for the happiness that K has brought to my life. I didn't expect to feel this way today, after our news yesterday. I expected a very heavy heart and a sad mood.

It felt to me as if a glow of warm light followed us everywhere as I rode and K ran through our favorite parts of the forest. I kept taking breaks to hug K.

I've learned through K's illness and other losses that, for me, there aren't really "stages" of grief. "Stages" implies that a person progresses forward in an orderly way from one stage to the next, until they eventually reach a peaceful acceptance. My experience is that I tend to jump among the "stages" while I'm dealing with a loss. So, the fact that I felt peaceful acceptance today doesn't mean that I'll feel that way tomorrow.

But, for today, I simply loved being with my girl and her wonderfully happy brother.

News

We are home from a long day at the faraway vet hospital. Our very worst fears were not realized. The lump on K's leg is not a tumor. Rather, it's a reaction to the radiation treatment that she had in January. I cannot tell you how much a new bone tumor would have complicated the situation. I'm grateful that we dodged that crisis.

But, other news wasn't good. The existing lung tumors grew larger and more lung tumors appeared, despite the "low dose chemotherapy" that K is receiving daily. We're continuing that protocol, just in case it is slowing the advance of K's very aggressive cancer. We're adding one more drug to the cocktail. The new drug is the last option. It helps extend the lives of some dogs in K's situation.

No doubt, our time together is getting short. At least K is not suffering. Instead, she's still reveling in every day that she's given. She's running, and loving, and jumping, and playing. I cannot express how grateful I am for her happiness. Looking at the photo below that I took yesterday, I think that you can understand why we are opting to try to extend this phase of her life.

This is the May photo in the "K Calendar" that I made for 2012. To me, she's the most beautiful dog on Earth. I am so grateful that she came into my life.

The forecast

Bears, bears, bears. I had a bonanza of bear photos today, at six different sites. This is a bear who walked a long way to become an internet star. I show him here at only one site but I have about a hundred photos of him on his wandering path. More photos will be coming in the next few days. I love bears!

The next one is a very interesting posture. I don't think that he/she is marking. Rather, I think that the bear is sniffing something based on his body language.

I moved that camera slightly so that it wouldn't be pointed straight into the sun in the morning. I'm hoping for more bear visits!

Our gorgeous spring weather is fading to a memory. Snow is in the forecast for tonight and tomorrow. A visit to K's oncologist is in the forecast too. She's bowing down in hopes for a good report but I'm afraid that none of us feels optimistic because of the lump on her leg bone.

It's funny how what we hope for changes with the circumstances. For K, my hopes keep getting more finite. At the start of this cancer journey, I dreamed of two more years with her if we were very lucky. Now, I dream of each individual day... We've had a string of fabulous days together, and I'm going to strive not to allow tomorrow's news to upset me too much to enjoy the coming days with her, one-by-one, however many or few they may be.

Seize the day to outrun your little brother!

The Good Old Days

Our favorite thing to do together...

A heart-to-heart...

Defiant, K stands in the face of adversity...

Sunset romp...

These are the "good old days", and we're grateful for every single one.

Dog tongues and bear behavior

First, I must thank you all. At every valley in this cancer journey, you have all been an inspirational chorus of support. It means so very much to me. Yesterday, you reminded me that, even though things look pretty dire to me right now, I should seize the day with K. So, I did. Thank you.

I'd also like to point you toward one of our "dog-blogging" community who has written a book that was inspired by her amazing experience with the blogging community when her dog, Max, had terminal cancer. She dedicated the book to the blogging community. MaxMom recently posted an excerpt from her exceptionally well-written, funny, and poignant book. I highly recommend checking it out.

As I scrolled through my photos today, I discovered that R almost always sticks out his tongue as he starts to run toward me for a recall. One of you made the funny comment that "he's testing the wind for take-off". It's a funny habit!

K likes to stick out her tongue too, but not usually at takeoff. This was from our ride this morning.

We got a late start this morning because K is a world-champion snuggler after the boys get up and go running. I'm going to have to resist the temptation to sleep late with how warm it is these days. She still romped over Hug Hill but you can see that she panted as she galloped.

We were just recalling that as a puppy, K was a wild girl first thing in the morning. We'd get her out of her crate and bring her into bed for snuggle time. She'd become a piranha, play-biting both of us with her sharp puppy teeth. That would get us out of bed in a big hurry. What a big difference a few years make!

Now, K is a calm and steady force in my life. She hasn't laid teeth on anyone in many years!

On a completely different note, our bears have become quite active in the forest. I haven't seen any near houses... but my cameras are getting photos of them regularly at their scent marking trees. Because my cameras are pointed at specific trees, we can see how different bears behave when they encounter the scent of another on a tree.

One bear went through, vigorously marking trees on 4/22, and then another followed in his pawprints one week later. The video below shows their behaviors. They're definitely different bears because the first one had a white blaze on his chest while the second one didn't. I suspect that the second one was a younger, less dominant, bear since he/she never stood up bipedal to mark a tree.

You can watch the video here or at Youtube.

I also have footage of a bear marking a tree in a different area. I'll save that for the near future.

Grateful in Colorado...

Our day started on the deck, eating breakfast in the sunshine. My favorite start to any day...

Despite everything, K is still an enthusiastic mountain biking dog every single morning. I definitely have slowed the pace since her diagnosis, and we take lots of breaks for hugs, playing, and photographs. But, I'm so grateful for these days romping with K.

Our next big event is a checkup on Monday at the CSU Animal Cancer Center. I'm going to be perfectly honest - my expectations are not good. I found a lump on K's leg bone, and I'm scared that the osteosarcoma has created another bone tumor. If that's the case, I have no idea what will happen next. Perhaps there will be nothing that can be done.

I'm scared... again. While K's cancer has taught me to view each day as a gift, it hasn't succeeded in teaching me not to be afraid of a future without K's physical presence.

I was thinking of her today while I rode my mountain bike solo on a remote trail. I came across a spot where I believe that a homesteader once lived. There's a very old marked grave that I've always suspected was a dog's grave (but it could be a human grave). I always stop for a moment next to it, remembering our dogs who have passed. Today I thought of K and sent up my wishes for more happy days with her.

There's also an apple tree in the clearing - and apple trees don't spring up on their own around here so the homesteader probably planted it. Last year, the tree didn't bloom or produce any fruit so I thought that its days were numbered. To my surprise, it had blossoms all over it this year. It bloomed early, like everything else this warm spring, and then suffered when we had a frost the other night. You can see minor damage done by the frost on the flower. It's still beautiful to me.

You can also see the buds surrounding the blossom. I think that the bears will like this tree in the fall! If I can figure out a way to rig a trail camera when the apples hang from the branches, I'll do it!

We are so grateful for every evening romp as a pack. R is so very fast and a gorgeous runner.

K is still pretty fast herself! I adore her rich chocolate fur against the springtime green grass.

Grateful in for these days with K in Colorado...

Wordless Wednesday

Male Blue Grouse