I'm scared... again. While K's cancer has taught me to view each day as a gift, it hasn't succeeded in teaching me not to be afraid of a future without K's physical presence.
I was thinking of her today while I rode my mountain bike solo on a remote trail. I came across a spot where I believe that a homesteader once lived. There's a very old marked grave that I've always suspected was a dog's grave (but it could be a human grave). I always stop for a moment next to it, remembering our dogs who have passed. Today I thought of K and sent up my wishes for more happy days with her.
There's also an apple tree in the clearing - and apple trees don't spring up on their own around here so the homesteader probably planted it. Last year, the tree didn't bloom or produce any fruit so I thought that its days were numbered. To my surprise, it had blossoms all over it this year. It bloomed early, like everything else this warm spring, and then suffered when we had a frost the other night. You can see minor damage done by the frost on the flower. It's still beautiful to me.
We are so grateful for every evening romp as a pack. R is so very fast and a gorgeous runner.
K is still pretty fast herself! I adore her rich chocolate fur against the springtime green grass.
What great moments of peace. It was so hard when our Fred was sick and its so hard to loose them youger than we should, Fred was only 4. I hope you and k continue to have many more days filled of making memories together, cherish each day.
ReplyDeleteSuch beautiful, peaceful moments. I'm very sorry I can't give you any advice on dealing with the fear, as all my dogs who've passed it happened incredibly fast, with no time for fear. I think the apple tree blooming is a very good sign!
ReplyDeleteNola's Mom
You are doing exactly what mom would do, enjoy each day. She is not suffering and happy
ReplyDeleteBenny & Lily
I think you're right to count your blessings! The story about the apple tree reminds me of the farm where I grew up. There was once a lovely orchard planted there, but the apples were really sour. My sister and I spent many hours in those trees with a salt shaker. About fifteen years ago, the trees began to die, but they were about eighty years old. Hard to believe that trees suffer from old age, too. They only produced fruit every other year, too!
ReplyDeleteI will be thinking about you and K on Monday and sending you strength.
ReplyDeleteAnn..from THE OUTER BANKS of NC said..It has been a beautiful day here and God is good .R is such a faithful companion for K ..they are the perfect pair and I see so much love there...they seem so happy together...a merry heart doeth good like medicine...and I can just feel the hugs being sent to you... with mine included
ReplyDeleteAs always you are in our prayers. I know it's difficult to not fear. I hope K's example and her sweet self can over-ride those fears and enjoy the moment before you both.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Gosoe
Its always the hardest thing, to lose a beloved dog. My experience has only been in the "is it time yet" with an old sick dog. Where you feel you are doing them a real kindness to free them from whatever sickness/disease they might have or you feel like a few more days if they aren't suffering. Even a very sick dog can have days where they perk up a bit. Good luck to you on your next appointment. Prayers will be said!
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Jo, Stella and Zkhat
Let the fear happen, it is natural, but the key is not to let it paralyze you so much that you lose what is now and rich and blessed. Feel the fear, look at it for what it is, wash it with tears if it helps, then firmly say "but right now I have my sleek furred soulmate at my side in the midst of blooming apple trees and rich green grass and glorious sunrises and the most exquisite sharing we have ever done." We are sending extra focused and powerful White Dog healing energy and positive thoughts for the upcoming vet visit...no matter what we walk beside you.
ReplyDeleteWe know you are so afraid. We would be too.
ReplyDeleteSo many kind words have been left here tonight,,,we want to say we are with you no matter what
love
tweedles
Checking up on you from AZ. Glad k is still romping. Will think of you Mon.
ReplyDeleteDogs are so smart. We don't worry about what can or will happen in the future. We live each day ~ each MOMENT ~ for all that it has to offer. It is obvious that K is happy and enjoying her life. I'm sure she's relishing all the extra love and attention you are showering her with.
ReplyDeleteStay strong K ~ your human needs you!
Love,
HERO
I will be thinking about you both on Monday, praying for a ray of hope.
ReplyDeleteIt's alright to be afraid of the gaping hole that's left behind when they leave. Grief is an overwhelming emotion and the price we pay for love.
Enjoy your girl who is still fighting and living for her life to the full.
Love from Eileen and Annie xx
KB dig deep and stay strong and positive. Live life for the moment just like K.
ReplyDeleteEasier said than done we know.
We are sending you all the positive thoughts and airezen we can.
Extra Big Nose Pokes
The Thugletsx
As long as you do not use your humanity, you will never be able to lose the fear and the pain. But you are doing a wonderful nov if focusing on the good, on those magical moments with your magical girl.
ReplyDeleteWe will all be with you in spirit on Monday.
We love you, K and (((hugs))) to you, KB!
ReplyDeleteLove ya lots,
Mitch and Molly
I know how hard this time is for you....know that we are all here to support you through this difficult time.
ReplyDeletegood to see the deck without snow!
xoxo
Keep lovin' K with all your heart and soul.
ReplyDeleteWe have not stopped praying for a miracle. We know that each day with K is a blessing.
Hugs,
Lily Belle
There is absolutely no way to avoid the fear we feel each day wondering and worrying about whether our furbabies will have a good day or a not-so-good day. I'm living the fear with Benji right now. But you are doing exactly what needs to be done.......enjoy each and every day with K.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
No words can express thoughts and prayers and wishes for y'all.
ReplyDeleteBrownDog's Human
Still thinking of y'all from SC...
ReplyDeletethe Heartbeats
Being afraid is pretty normal, I think. I'd be petrified. :(
ReplyDeleteVery best wishes for the best possible outcome...
It is just a natural reaction to be afraid. I always thought it would be easier not to know my dog was sick enough that death was unavoidable. But I do think it is tough both ways. The only thing you can do is what you are doing. Live each day to the very most that K can handle and keep doing what makes sense medically. Other than that, just let your love for her guide you.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you from me.
Great day you had. We will hope for the best when you go to the vet. She´s very strong now and enjoy your days. It´´s sad and I really feel for you.
ReplyDeleteHere you have a big hug from us and all my dachshunds.
I must admit that when I think of beautiful K, I look at my dogs with different eyes. It frightens me to think of losing one, although I know that will happen sometime.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on the visit. And keep remembering how much we admire and will support you and the family (human and canine) in the days to come. You give renewed meaning to "Carpe diem."
KB, K, R and the runner...... you are all my heros. All our good thoughts love and prayers are being sent to you. It is like walking on a tightrope, the unknown always seems to paralize us. But not you! I hope I can be as brave as you. Indy Bones sends his chocolate labbie love. Lately he has stuck close to me, I love having him as my protector.
ReplyDeleteEveryday is a blessing! Good luck on Monday. My thoughts will be with you and your K! :-)
ReplyDeleteDear KB,
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you...
I understand the fear too...
Sending lotsaluv with a special wish for Divine comfort at this difficult time.
MAXMOM IN SA
We are grateful, too, to be sharing in the beauty of these sweet springtime days, marveling at your beautiful photos, and glorying in the beauty of R's "running face" and K's beautiful russet coat in the sunlight. Sending good thoughts and lots of POTP your way!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I be an idiot cuz I misread your totel and thoughts it said Graceful In Colorado. But it brought me to sumptin...hows yo has handled all of dis withs grace. And dat do be very important to K cuz hers can sense so much.
ReplyDeleteAnd no matters what K is fightin' hers still looks incredibly happies.
And you knows we gots your back through dis. We be heres through da good and da bad days.
Puddles
KB, we are grateful that you are sharing this amazing part of your life. We are here for you, any time, any day. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory
ReplyDeleteHi again. you used to live in Phillies land. Lucky duck! and Lucky duck in Colorado....loved it there when I was on vacation in Estes park one year.
ReplyDeleteYour pictures are just spectacular! Thank you for sharing.
I'm sorry about K, her 1st picture is so cute. Looks like she's smiling at us. Happy girl.
I'll be thinking of you on Monday...
Peace
Julie
I will echo many other comments here - especially Tommy's very wise Virginia!
ReplyDeleteThe apple tree is a great metaphor for new life long after we think it is gone, long after it seems impossible to bear the fruit of joy and a light heart. Every day brings thoughts of you, and wishes for peace and joy-in-the-moment. ~Jeanne
ReplyDeleteBoth your babies are gorgeous, sprinting or not. Since I first found your blog how many years ago now, I've always been impressed with the beauty and poise you've been able to capture when shooting your dogs.
ReplyDelete