Spirit Guide

I feel like I am starting to emerge from the fog. I felt physically sick for most of last week after K died. Finally, today, I felt a small spark of energy. I'm sure that this process will be a roller coaster but I liked seeing the ray of hope today.

I've been spending more time with R than ever before. I adore his facial expressions as he tries to please me.

How can anyone, even someone who is incredibly sad, resist these eyes?

R's world has been turned upside down, just like ours. We're trying to give him lots of attention and fun. He romped today as I rode my mountain bike. As you can see, he also had been digging holes, a popular activity among him and his dog friends these days. He ended up with a brown snout!

He's so speedy and full of energy. Spending time with him makes me realize how much K and I had slowed our pace in the past year. That wasn't a bad thing... we stopped to smell every rose and to hug at every lookout point. But, being with R is different and lots of fun. He moves so fast that he's a blur...

The Runner mounted a tiny chocolate Lab on my handlebars so that R and I have a Chocolate Lab with us all the time. I love our little buddy.

I'm so thankful for spending time with R. There's nothing like the indomitable spirit of an amazing dog to help me through tough times.

After I rode with R, I went to check a nearby trail camera. The bears have been busily eating everything that they can find. Their normal berries and other plants have not flourished this year due to heat and drought. So, they seem particularly focused on ants. Based on how many anthills I'd seen that had been dug up by bears, I decided to point a trail camera at a huge ant hill about a week ago. Sure enough, a bear decided to check it out.

This bear is not Socks. Notice that s/he has a green ear tag which you can barely see in the left ear (Socks doesn't have ear tags). I suspect that this bear is Socks' mother or father. The ear tag means that this bear has gotten in trouble in the past. She was probably "relocated" to someplace else but history shows that bears almost always find their way home. She gets one more strike before the authorities kill her. I just hope that my fellow Coloradans are willing to lock down every single food source near their houses and be tolerant of bears wandering nearby so that bears don't get in too much trouble in the coming months.

I was glad to see that this bear was seeking natural food sources rather than going to homes. She dug into the ant hill which I know is full of ants. Even when I stand 15' away from it, I end up with ants crawling all over me. Bears particularly like the ant pupae (white little eggs, containing the next generation). I don't know if this bear found any pupae or not.

So, I got a smile from capturing a bear on camera today. I love that she was doing what a normal bear does when humans aren't watching.

As I keep trying to move forward with grace, I remind myself of K's amazing spirit throughout the onslaught of osteosarcoma. She never moped and always made the most of each day. I'm trying, with all my heart, to emulate her. K is my spirit guide.