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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Spirit Guide

I feel like I am starting to emerge from the fog. I felt physically sick for most of last week after K died. Finally, today, I felt a small spark of energy. I'm sure that this process will be a roller coaster but I liked seeing the ray of hope today.

I've been spending more time with R than ever before. I adore his facial expressions as he tries to please me.
How can anyone, even someone who is incredibly sad, resist these eyes?
R's world has been turned upside down, just like ours. We're trying to give him lots of attention and fun. He romped today as I rode my mountain bike. As you can see, he also had been digging holes, a popular activity among him and his dog friends these days. He ended up with a brown snout!
He's so speedy and full of energy. Spending time with him makes me realize how much K and I had slowed our pace in the past year. That wasn't a bad thing... we stopped to smell every rose and to hug at every lookout point. But, being with R is different and lots of fun. He moves so fast that he's a blur...
The Runner mounted a tiny chocolate Lab on my handlebars so that R and I have a Chocolate Lab with us all the time. I love our little buddy.
I'm so thankful for spending time with R. There's nothing like the indomitable spirit of an amazing dog to help me through tough times.
After I rode with R, I went to check a nearby trail camera. The bears have been busily eating everything that they can find. Their normal berries and other plants have not flourished this year due to heat and drought. So, they seem particularly focused on ants. Based on how many anthills I'd seen that had been dug up by bears, I decided to point a trail camera at a huge ant hill about a week ago. Sure enough, a bear decided to check it out.
This bear is not Socks. Notice that s/he has a green ear tag which you can barely see in the left ear (Socks doesn't have ear tags). I suspect that this bear is Socks' mother or father. The ear tag means that this bear has gotten in trouble in the past. She was probably "relocated" to someplace else but history shows that bears almost always find their way home. She gets one more strike before the authorities kill her. I just hope that my fellow Coloradans are willing to lock down every single food source near their houses and be tolerant of bears wandering nearby so that bears don't get in too much trouble in the coming months.

I was glad to see that this bear was seeking natural food sources rather than going to homes. She dug into the ant hill which I know is full of ants. Even when I stand 15' away from it, I end up with ants crawling all over me. Bears particularly like the ant pupae (white little eggs, containing the next generation). I don't know if this bear found any pupae or not.
So, I got a smile from capturing a bear on camera today. I love that she was doing what a normal bear does when humans aren't watching.

As I keep trying to move forward with grace, I remind myself of K's amazing spirit throughout the onslaught of osteosarcoma. She never moped and always made the most of each day. I'm trying, with all my heart, to emulate her. K is my spirit guide.


  1. Beautiful. SImply beautiful. R and the Runner are so sweet

  2. You are so fortunate to surrounded with the love from the Runner - what a thoughtful thing to do for you - and spirited youth of R. Be sure to take time to grieve and the joy and smiles will return with time.

  3. Love the lab on your bike, she is still pointing the way. And what a love R is. He does bring smiles.

  4. KB, As always you simply amaze me! You are doing an exceptional job emulating K's spirit; I know you'll have her with you always.
    Sending hugs & love your way.
    Noreen & Hunter

  5. I loved seeing you in your world from R's eyes!

    All along I knew K would teach him - and when she felt her pupil could handle it, she knew it was her time -

    I LOVE your biking 'khompanion'

  6. An amazing post KB!

    I love the addition to your bike that the Runner 'installed' for you today. We are smiling right now because that was such a loving gesture on his part. And speaking of love.... Just look at R and the deep soulful look in his eyes. I believe that look is saying "Mom, we're gonna be just fine. Stick with me!"

    Not a day has gone by that we too haven't thought about our furend K.

    And for that big bear in your forest.... Eat all the ants you want buddy! We're hoping Mr. Green Tag will stay safe bcuz we'd like to see him again.

    Lily Belle

  7. Dark pools... beautiful eyes...R!
    There is no resisting this...he wants to help and he's winning!

  8. KB,

    What a blessin' R has been to you, K has taught him well. :) Still holdin' all of you close to our hearts...

    Woofs and Licks,
    Maggie Mae and Max

  9. R and the Runner are great partners to have.


  10. R and the Runner will give you so much love and support right now, but K's spirit will alwys be there.When we grieve,time goes so slowly,and some days overwhelmingly so. R's beautiful eyes tell a story, and I'm sure he will be so happy to have fast trips with you.I so like the photo of his blurry speed. Cheers,Jean.

  11. Love the bear shots. I do hope the locals are as caring and understanding as you are. We get some people who buy some land because it is populated by moose and deer, then get mad and call the authorities when a moose comes in and eats off their trees. Makes you wonder.

    Ro looks great and appears to be loving the time spent with you. Everyone is right, Runner is so sweet to share......

  12. Your reflection is in those soulful eyes of R! Look at him look at you!
    Your right- he is irresistable, and no one would be able to ignore his spirit! Look at him zoom.
    You have the best "Runner" in the world to mount that chocolate lab on your bike. We love it.
    I agree that K is your spirit guide and for R too. Her spirit is still teaching him.

    All of you together are helping each other during this sad time- I can even see it in R's eyes.

    I cannot imagine that the bear gets very filled up on ant eggs!
    Does the air smell like bears in your woods? I smelled a bear the other day.

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  14. Knowing how K watched over you in life, I'm betting that she is still watching over you. No doubt she passed on some words of wisdom to R and I've noticed that a lot of times dogs do try lift our spirits when things are bad. I wonder if R will share his tips for getting into mischief if a new Lab happens to drop into your life. lol I can't imagine not at least smiling or laughing at that boy! And Kuster ended up with the same brown nose the other day at the lake!

  15. That first close-up of R's face really made me chuckle.

  16. Ann..from...THE OUTER BANKS OF NC..said... Look at that sweet face R has ...he is so handsome...K has taught him so much...K was a special gift/just like R precious.. free spirited and can see it in his eyes..a gentle link of a love and a friendship..a special bond ...what a will take time but K's loving spirit will always be with all of you...right beside you on every bike ride and what an excellent idea/ putting the lab on your shows warmth and tenderness..all love.. given or returned... is sweet..Take friend...

  17. Glad there moments emerging. It will be a roller coaster ride but you have an incredible spirit guide and awesome family support...and you will always have us.

  18. A great post, K! The R boyz are a wonderful pair and as life resumes, you will find yourself in their hands. That has to be a good feeling.

    Jo, Stella and Zkhat

  19. What a beautiful montage of photos of K, and what wonderful photos of R's soulful eyes. And we love your chocolate lab bike protector.

    Hope the bears make it through the winter. Doesn't bode well for next year's crop of cubs, if the mamas are underweight when they hibernate.

    Hugs, Jed & Abby

  20. The little brown chocolate lab on the handlebars is lovely, as is R's bounds energy.

    After my little Yuu-Chan (kitty) died at 15 months, I started to wear his last collar as a bracelet. I still do it occasionally. It makes me feel as though I am taking him with me on adventures.

  21. R is taking care of your heart , pure and simple. Take care and let him be your guide to happier times.
    Best wishes Molly

  22. I am glad you are up and about, I know how hard it is to recover from a loss. R is beautiful and has incredible eyes. They are irresistible.

    Anne and Sasha

  23. The Chocolate Lab on your handlebars is perfect! You are so handsome, R! Bless you for being you.

    Love ya lots,
    Mitch and Molly

  24. Dogs always seem to know exactly what to do when tragedy strikes. I know that R realizes your pain and is trying to fill some of the holes in your heart. Dogs are amazing.

  25. So glad you have R to help you through the rough days. Love the picture of the bear. I feel so bad for the wild animals during this time. I know our robins look pretty thin because they can't find the worms since the ground is so hard. Have a blessed day! Sniffs, The HoundDogs

  26. KB everyone has said so many wonderful words to you on here that there seems to be nothing more I can say. We enjoy looking at your wildlife pictures alot! Sending you a hug from us and a prayer. Stella Rose and Mom

  27. I love the lab on your bars! A few months ago we had an unfortunate misunderstanding at our house between 2 dogs and through truly no fault of his own, I ended up with a scar on my arm from Calhoun "biting" me. It sounds really weird but I'm quite proud of my scar. He'll always be with me no matter what!

    I'm glad you are starting to feel a little better. We all miss K's beautiful face but R needs you and you know that.

    mamma heartbeat

  28. I'm glad that R is helping you through. I also have a black lab that looks a lot like R and has the goofiest facial expressions.

  29. I'm so glad you and R have each other to lean on through this time. Glad you are feeling a little better. It's such a tough road when we lose the ones we love the most.

    Peace be with you.

    pee.s. Love the little chocolate on your bike. What a sweet guy the Runner is. :)

  30. It makes me so happy to 'hear' the smile in your voice and K on your hndlebar tells me all I need to know about the Runner:)

    I am falling in love with R !!

  31. Your tribute to K (from Sunday) was lovely ... I watched it with tears rolling freely. So many incredible pictures of K, most of which I'd never seen, and I particularly loved the ones of the two of you together. You clearly shared an amazing bond, and I know what a void her passing has left. How wonderful that you have R to provide some distraction and comfort, and I'm sure you act in much the same way for him, too. It's an adjustment for everyone, and I'm glad you are all taking care of one another.

  32. If there is such a thing as reincarnation I want to come back as your dog.

    Someone sent us this poem when our dear Spencer died. It is part of a larger piece by the poet Isla Paschal Richardson. Somehow, it spoke to me and gave me peace and a measure of comfort.

    Grieve not,
    Nor speak of me with tears,
    but laugh, and talk of me
    as if I were beside you there.
    Do not let the thought of me
    be sad,
    for I am loving you
    just as I always have.
    You were so good to me!
    I loved you so--
    'Twas heaven there with you.

    Thinking of you, Jeanne, Bob & Rex

  33. What lovely eyes R got...really loving.
    Yes you will all have ups and downs further more. Good you are out hiking with R. K will guide you through your hills and even tell you when to stop to smell at roses with R.
    Interesting about the bears...hope they will stay in the hills and not get into trouble.

    Take care all of you. Hugs!

  34. mom can't imagine life without us. It must be so terribly hard
    Benny & Lily

  35. What beautiful photos of R !!! He has georgous eyes - well, I happen to think ALL labbies have beautiful eyes. Heck - all DOGS/CATS/ETC have sweet eyes. They are so trusting and loving - it makes me smile. I hope you are doing just a bit better, KB. It's been an honor to see all the K tributes popping up in blogland. We all love her and pray for all of you daily.


  36. Stopped by to see how you were doing. You are right, no one can resist R's eyes. What a sweetheart.

    I love the little chocolate lab on your handlebars - a physical symbol of your spirit guide. She will be with you always.


  37. R's eyes are filled with emotion and I can see that he is trying his very best to help you through this ...

    Hope that little bear stays out of trouble so he can continue to live in peace.

    Your pal, Pip

  38. Those eyes!!!! I just want to plant slobbery kisses all over that face! Such a blessing to have R with you. Hope your doing well.
    ♥hugs for you♥

  39. I am so glad to see that you and R are spending such quality time together. I know what it's like to be in and out of that fog. Soon it will clear with just a few fog patches. It's great that you are trying to be so strong and positive. I think we all have learned from K's amazing spirit.

  40. Aww in that photo you can see that R really really wishes he could cheer you up.


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