The Real Deal

Life is feeling a bit out of control, making the playful moments with the dogs even more precious.

Some of you might remember that, about a year ago, my doctor found a bunch of nodules in my lungs ("nodules" refer to odd spots of unknown origin). After many tests to make sure that the nodules weren't cancerous, a team of doctors concluded that I had an autoimmune disease called sarcoidosis. It's a rare disease. In most people who get it, they have one or two bad phases and then they can forget about the disease for the rest of their lives. I really wanted to be one of those people.

There are signs that things may not be so simple for me. First, my problems with my hands may partly be due to this disease damaging the nerves to my hands, exacerbating the hand pain and clumsiness that I already had due to my neck issues. That suggests that the disease may have become "neurosarcoid", which is one of the more sinister forms. Second, something is messing with my thyroid gland. I'll spare you the details - but I have many "nodules" in my thyroid gland, several of which are big. Because the damage done by sarcoidosis can look a lot like cancer, I have to have my thyroid biopsied, on top of other tests.

My guess is that we are going to discover that I don't have cancer in my thyroid gland but that my sarcoidosis is on the move again. I can attest to the fact that I've been incredibly tired and my eyes hurt, both of which are hallmark signs of an "active phase" of sarcoidosis.

In any case, it's been the perfect time for Shyla to make me smile every day with her current confidence and happiness. She went to a physical therapy appointment with me again today, and she shined. She's really well-behaved in a setting like a medical office, and when her fear is at bay, her loving nature can shine through as she greets other patients. When I see her acting like she is now, I start dreaming of the things that she might be able to do someday... I won't even say them out loud but I will say that my hope for her is soaring.

Whether it's good for me or not, I make sure that I get out in the forest to romp with Shyla every morning and with the Duo every evening. I'm sure that some people would say that I should rest but it's not my way of coping with things.

In the middle of life, each day can seem less precious than it really is. I know that a day will come when I'll wish for just one more day when I felt strong enough to do the things that I love. So, with that knowledge, I try to treat each day like the gift that it is.

All of the photos here were from within a half hour this morning, when our world went from sunny to so foggy that I could just barely make out forms in the forest. Shyla galloped out of the fog...

After that, the sun briefly shined again, before we were hit with a blinding snow squall. The fog and snow left frost on everything in the forest, including the Douglas Fir pine cones.

I have to admit that the weather this morning felt like it represented the turmoil of life. However, I am so thankful for all the good things in my life. I know that I'm lucky in many ways.

I debated whether to write this post, especially because the medical issues are not yet completely resolved. Yet, I feel strongly that I want my blog be genuine - I don't want to march forward, writing happy posts as if I don't have a worry in the world. We all know that life isn't always easy... and the stories of how we all cope with the tougher times are perhaps the most important.