Always in my heart

I made a meaningful mistake the other day. I wrote that "K and I went through the forest together this morning". In real life, of course, K doesn't run along next to my bike these days. But, in my heart, she's still next to me.

At first, I was mad at myself for not catching my typo (writing "K" instead of "Shyla") because it revealed a piece of me that I usually keep hidden these days. However, your thoughtful and sweet comments made me realize that it was okay to say how I feel.

Indeed, K is still with me all the time. She is on my mind countless times every single day. I see her in the late-blooming flowers.

I see her in the rose hips - which are plump this year - and I think about how much she would love to munch on them. I see her in the feathers that birds drop on the forest floor. I see her in the occasional hummingbird who passes overhead flying south. I see her in the fall-colored leaves - because her birthday is in autumn.

I see her in the mushrooms, because as many of you may remember, she used to eat them and scare me to death.

I see her in the first snow on the mountains because we used to race the autumn snow to sneak in one last alpine hike as her birthday celebration. I saw the first snow on the peaks today, and I instantly thought of K. If you look hard, you can see that last night's snow is on the peak that's enveloped in clouds.

K will never leave me, and I am thankful for that. I don't want her to leave.

At first, I felt like I was shortchanging Shyla because K still holds part of my heart. Now I know differently. I've fallen for Shyla with all my heart, even the part that K is in, if that makes any sense. The typo from the other day also reveals how I've come to love Shyla with a depth that I never thought possible again.

Shyla is so loving and sweet. She's a gift from the heavens who brightens my days, and I know that K would love to hear me laugh and see me smile with Shyla. So, I don't feel any guilt as I revel in each day with Shyla. Shyla has helped me to "See Beautiful" again, after a long time in the fog of sadness.

It's a topsy-turvy world. I think that I've relived some of my grief for K over the past week. The devastation of these floods has pierced my heart more than I first realized. I've been depressed, and that's caused me to let down my guard.

So, I didn't notice the "telling typo" of saying that K and I were together. She is always by my side but no one but me can see her.

For new readers, here is what K looked like. She's also in the banner at the top of the page. She died in July 2012, at age 8, of osteosarcoma. She lived an amazing 8 years as my heart dog.

Thank you for your sensitive and heart-warming comments. And, thank for your support through everything.