The past and the future

Many dog-lovers have traveled the road that I'm on now. I lost my heart dog, K, and I am trying to regain my footing. K and I had a very special bond - she was truly my best friend. When I learned that she had osteosarcoma, I literally collapsed, and I couldn't visualize how I'd go on living after she was gone. Somehow I have gone on, although it feels as if I've been in a trance-like state.

Almost a year ago, K had a birthday. In retrospect, it seems as if I had an inkling that it would be her last even though she wasn't old. She and I had multiple celebration adventures. We hiked, we played fetch, and she played with R in mountain lakes. I treasured every instant of them, and K did as well.

I knew that I'd eventually invite a new dog into my life after K passed. I thought that it would "help my heart to heal". Indeed, six and a half weeks after K died, Shyla arrived. She is sensitive, smart, and incredibly loving. Her spirit and resilience are incredible.  I already know that Shyla is going to be a special part of my life for a long time. I also believe that the hard socialization work that we're doing now is helping to build a deep bond between us.

Shyla is a chocolate Lab and so was K. I've always adored Chocolate Labs. When I first saw one as a young adult, I declared that he was the most beautiful dog that I'd ever seen. Ever since then, when it's been my choice, I've always chosen a Chocolate Lab. Fortunately, each dog has such a unique personality that the physical similarities among my dogs are no big deal for me.

By the time K was about 2 years old, she and I were seasoned partners in life. We moved in sync and could anticipate each other's actions and moods. In contrast, because Shyla is a young dog and new to me, we are still getting to know each other. Shyla is a naive puppy, through-and-through. I have to supervise her carefully, and she surprises me every single day with some off-the-wall behavior that I didn't expect. I took this photo when an unexpected case of the zoomies possessed Shyla, and my shutter speed wasn't fast enough! I love the blurred and crazy effect - just as "zoomies" should be!

I've laughed every single day since Shyla arrived, and I smile when I look in her eyes. I spontaneously tell her that I love her when she looks to me for reassurance as we navigate the big new world that can be scary for her. I'm ecstatic that she and I have so many adventures to look forward to.

But, I have to admit that I don't think that my heart will "heal" from losing K anytime soon, even though Shyla is wonderful beyond words. So, I'm in a funny in-between state of reveling in getting to know my new puppy's spirit and remembering my best friend K. At least once a day, a memory of K hits me so hard that I stop in my tracks and tears fill my eyes.

Today, I remembered how K loved to put her head on my shoulder and then let out a long and contented sigh. I'd always answer her with a contented sigh of my own. We both knew how lucky we were. A bond like ours leaves paw prints on a person's heart forever.

Yet, at the same time, my heart is falling for Shyla. What a goofy combination of emotions - grief and optimistic happiness - to have mixed up inside me.

I think that R is falling for his new sister too. They like to snuggle up together for naps, and I watch with deep tenderness.

Thanks for reading this post... I wanted to write it all down so that I could read it in the future when I am further along in this journey. I also thought that my thoughts about this transition time might help someone else who is recovering from a loss as deep as mine.