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Saturday, December 21, 2013

A Brighter Tomorrow

Today is the solstice, the darkest day of the year. However, the sunrise light was gorgeous. It was filtered through purple clouds, rendering it rose-colored.
It's been a rough few days. I found out, for sure, that I must have surgery on my shoulder. They need to remove a piece of my collarbone that is hopelessly degenerated, probably caused, at least in part, by the problems in my neck. One nerve that's being pinched in my neck has caused the muscles around my shoulder to spasm literally for years on end. There's no doubt in my mind that the spasms contributed to this shoulder problem.
I still have to figure out whether my neck needs surgery too so there are more appointments before I can finalize the shoulder surgery plans. This will be my 11th major surgery so I know the drill. I even know the emotional stages that I go through before surgery: anger, sadness, acceptance, defiance and determination, and finally a calm courage. Right now, I'm somewhere in the anger-sadness stage although I am fully aware that my life is easy compared to what some people are facing.

In that early stage before surgery, I get out into the forest with my dogs as much as I possibly can, trying to pedal my way to acceptance. There's something almost meditative about pedaling that helps my mind to unconsciously work through difficult things. It helps me to see the golden lining in the darkness.
On this morning's meditative ride, we saw the Runner and R. R stopped to frolic with Shyla. It made me smile and even chuckle.
Now we start the longest night of the year. Here in the Colorado mountains, it looks like it's going to snow, at least a little.
Life will start to brighten tomorrow both in the natural world and in my soul.


  1. I always look forward to solstice because it means the days will start getting longer, too! Of course, today it's just been grey and dreary all day. There wasn't even a hint of sunshine to worship, but I know it's lurking out there somewhere.

    I am sorry you're facing surgery again. Of all the people I know of who should be able to live a life free from pain, you're at the top of the list, and it's okay to feel bad about the fact that you're not. Our bodies all fail us at some point in something, but being able to pick up and move on is a mental skill that few people can do as well as you. Remember that we're thinking of you and wishing for the best, and wishing there was more we could do!

  2. It is also my favourite day because it means the days will start to get longer. I am so sorry you have to have this surgery. I don't know what to say other than it sucks! However, I am sure your attitude will help with a speedy recovery!

  3. When I woke up this morning and realized what day it is, I immediately thought, "KB will be feeling relieved" :)
    I love the expressions on the dogs' faces...what a great character portrait!

  4. i LOVE your two pups! and i love the layers in the last shot.

    i am sorry that you are facing another surgery (or two). i cannot begin to imagine. i hope it will relieve some of your spasms and pain, however.

  5. So sorry your facing surgery! At least you have Shlya.

  6. For me, the winter solstice has something magical. I love that this will be the shortest day and then the light is coming back for longer bit by bit.
    I'm sorry that you have to have surgery - the 11th, no less. However, I do hope that eventually it will make your life easier. It seems that nature gives you bliss, and that is a huge healer as well. All the best.

  7. KB, your stage of calm courage will come, you have been so strong through it all, and once decisions are made, acceptance can follow. Meantime, enjoy the beautiful days with Shyla, R and Runner, and know we all care so very much, and will send much love. Greetings from Jean

  8. Horray for the solstice, but crap for the surgery. )-: That must be a bummer for you. I hope all goes well though. Let us know when you go in for sure.

  9. We are so sorry that your going to have to face another surgery.
    You will be in our prayers along with the little candle I light each night. May Christmas bring you joy and happiness.

    xo Cinnamon

  10. Beautiful pictures. I will cross my paws for you if that surgery is in your future

  11. Were wishing for some peace to fill your heart right now

  12. Focus on the ending of the pain and the reintroduction of lightness into your body! It is a tough road but you are not without a wonderful network of support, love, and powerful energies. The first step in the ultimate healing is in doing what you know needs to be done and you seem realistic in knowing how to harness your strengths. Please feel our paws and arms around you every step of the way.

  13. I too look forward to the longer days ahead. So sorry to hear about your upcoming surgery. We will keep the paws crossed that all goes well.


  14. So sorry to hear that you are facing yet more surgery, but very much hoping it will really help.

    That photo of the pair is just gorgeous!

  15. Oh Lord, when it rains it pours! We are soooo sorry to hear that you will be having surgery in the near future. We know you will be keeping us all posted as to when this will all take place. We've got you covered in the POTP department!

    Lily Belle & Muffin

  16. I'd love for Harlow to have a chance to run with your pups. Shyla's wide eyes remind me of our gal when she realizes she is seeing something new. I think living her first year in a crate before we got her has given her a deeper appreciation for life.

    Monty and Harlow

  17. Happy Solstice! Sorry about the surgery. Hopefully it will help in the long run. Love your labbie pics and pups!

  18. Thoughts will be with you as you and the doctors decide the best route to persue. Here's hoping this will be the last surgery for some time. Love the photographs.

  19. Sorry about the surgery coming to you. It will be better of course.

  20. We hope the surgery brings you much relief from your constant pain, KB. We love the picture of the duo!

    Love ya lots♥
    Mitch and Molly

  21. KB, somehow missed your posted yesterday. So sorry about another surgery. We pray it goes well and until then enjoy every one of those sunrises. God bless.

  22. We have happy pups here with a little snow. It doesn't take much to make them happy:)

    You always astonish me with your courage and determination. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you deal with your surgery.

  23. You have a beautiful philosophy. I hope surgery offers you relief from pain. You are so active, I had no idea you were having neck and shoulder troubles. Please continue to update us on how you are doing.
    Our grandchildren came over just as it got dark on the solstice. We took them for a walk after dinner to see the Christmas lights, then played and danced to Christmas music until their parents came for them at 10. It made the long evening fly by with fun and laughter! Kind of like the happiness you feel watching the sunrise (but rowdier of course!) Every year I try harder to put aside the stress of trying to have a "perfect" holiday, and it is more peaceful.

  24. I somehow missed this post yesterday and my heart goes out to you with another surgery in your future. It might be the one that does the very most to help you! I'll hope for that for you,

    I love R and Shyla running together, so beautiful!

    Cheers and hugs,


  25. Dear KB, May the beauty of the sunrises lift and calm your spirit. Like so many others, I'm so sorry you have to go through yet another surgery! I am thankful that you are young and determined enough to recover rapidly. Words seem so empty in expressing my heart thoughts to you. You are such a warrior and I'm so thankful for your courage as well as the example you set for the rest of us. Please know you are in so many friends thoughts right now.
    Sending love and wishes for a peaceful Christmas and Healing New Year.
    Hugs, Noreen

  26. I really admire your self-awareness as well as ability to express emotions. I hope I can do that one day.

    To me it sounds like surgeries have helped you to live such a beautiful and fulfilling life so I'm sure when you come to acceptance you will be thankful for that as we are for you!


  27. Hi Y'all!

    The solstice doesn't seem to bother my Human as much when we are here in the mountains instead of at the shore...further west in the east, later sunset...

    Y'all come by now,
    Hawk aka BrownDog

  28. Therapy is in being with your loved ones and the beautiful outdoors. Be strong.

  29. Oh KB.... I am so sorry to read about your needing surgery. :( I know you've been battling with the idea for awhile now. *sigh* I wish there was something I could do but alas, all I can do is pray... and my prayers you can be most assured of!

    As you said... you know the drill. One of the nice things about knowing the drill is that you also know things will get better "after the storm" of surgery. Hang on to that thought, dear friend.



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