Shyla and I have been enjoying our early morning snowbike rides on the trails despite the incredibly harsh winter weather. We burst out the door every morning to pedal up to our sunrise lookout point. I feel gratitude for every single day that we can do that together.
Alas, I am afraid that I might be forced to take a break from the mountain life that we love so much. I've mentioned here a few times that I've had very intense neck and shoulder pain since last summer. I had an hour's worth of MRI's the other day, and the results were not good. I have big problems with one neck disc and with my shoulder joint. In all likelihood, the severe problem in my neck has caused the shoulder degeneration - by making the muscles surrounding my shoulder spasm all the time.
I don't yet know what the plan is for trying to fix this situation. I have some guesses because I have so much experience with spine problems. I probably need a cervical spinal fusion, adjacent to the fusion that I had in 2010, to fix the one horrific neck disc. I also might need some work done on my shoulder - but I'm unsure about how a doctor fixes the kind of problem I have in my shoulder. Obviously, I'll be talking to a lot of doctors in the coming weeks.
Since receiving this news, I've been trying very hard to mimic Shyla's wide-eyed enthusiasm for life. I'm trying to "be like a dog" and not focus on the future too much. After all, I have today with my wonderful Duo and the Runner.
But, I must admit that I am feeling upset and angry at fate right now. I know that we are all faced with immense hurdles in our lives - and it could be much worse. But, I'm still upset.
I'll find my way. I know I will.
Dear KB, I think your reaction to chronic pain and degeneration is completely normal; in fact, I'd be concerned if you weren't angry or frustrated. I keep thinking it is going to get better for you but enough time has passed that I think you need a doctors help. I know there are good surgeons locally but also know there are some renowned surgeons in Vail. Be well dear friend. Please keep us posted on what is happening-so we can send you healing thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Noreen
i am so sorry. i know how active you are - just in knowing you a short time - and how you push through whatever pain you have. i do hope the doctors can come up with successful treatments - and it sounds like you are more than ready for a few of them. still...
ReplyDeletei havent blogged in forever and started a new one... then i couldn't find your blog but i am so glad that i found it again. i am so sorry you are suffering with such pain!!!!!
ReplyDeletekellee aka mama monster now the rambling hermit!
You are my inspiration for every little hurdle I need to clear. Truly, I look at your blog, and your positive attitude, and your ability to persevere in the face of so much pain. You have amazing strength and I know it will get you through this. I am praying for the best outcome possible.
ReplyDeleteWe totally agree with Taryn. You are an inspiration to us all, KB! We are praying for you to be pain-free.
ReplyDeleteLove ya lots♥
Mitch and Molly
Sorry to hear the results aren't good about your neck and shoulder. Understand that it is natural to feel upset at such a prospect, and like the others we already know that with your incredible strength you will come out of this stronger.
ReplyDeleteHere's a nose kiss from Cocoa.
Melon
I'm sorry you're struggling with this again. I remember when you had the surgery before. I hope that things go smoothly and that they can find a good solution for your shoulder issues that you can live with. I know that sometimes doctors have ideas that we don't want to hear, butt I hope you'll get some good news in the shoulder department. I'm thinking about you, if it helps! :)
ReplyDeleteTyran said it! Sending healing thoughts to you.
ReplyDeleteNola
Dang, I'm sorry you are hurting so much. We all send you our very, very best healing purrs.
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt that you will indeed find your way. That has been your courageous method in the past and has served you well. I do hope you can achieve a good outcome with the most minimal interruptions in your life with the duo and runner.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, and hoping that everything works out.
ReplyDeleteThinking only good thoughts for you for the future and for a good recovery. All I have to offer is my prayers and my friendship. You are an inspiration to all of us - God be with you.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard when our bodies don't do what we want them to. Being layed up or in pain is never a good option. I hope you find the very best solution for your life. I'm sending positive thoughts.
ReplyDeleteYou know we are thinking worrying and hoping for you. Like everyone else, we are often lifted up by your adventurous spirit.....so like the rest positive thoughts are being sent your way
ReplyDeleteKB
ReplyDeleteWe know just thinking about the magnitude of your neck disk problem, and shoulder problem- is overwhelming.
Doctors will know what to do.
My mama had a bad bone spur at C5, C6
pessing on the spinal cord-- severe stenosis of the spinal and faucet problems.
Is yours in c5 and c6?
Oh how we wish someone can fix you- so you don't hurt.
love
tweedles and moms
I know how hard it is to live with chronic pain. My heart goes out to you. We will keep you in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteI know that you will find your way, but I don't blame you for being mad. I'm mad for you. It isn't fair that someone who loves the outdoors and is such an athlete, as you are, has to run up against these challenges. You do everything with thoughtfulness and grace, so I know you'll be good, but THIS SUCKS!
ReplyDeleteWe can't imagine how awful that must feel. We hope the docs cone up with a good treatment that will be effective in relieving your pain.
ReplyDeleteYour Pals,
Murphy and Stanley
So sorry to hear about the bad news regarding your spine and shoulders. I can only imagine how you feel right now; not being able to explore the mountains with Shyla while you figure out your health. I hope everything works out for you and the pups. Feel better!
ReplyDeleteDear KB, I think this has been on your mind for a while now, and the truthful realisation is so hard, Pain, relentless, and the possible fix, neither is easy, I send much love, all caring thoughts, and hopes that every Doctor/Surgeon/ or any other medic will give you the very best you can have. Meantime enjoy the duo and Runner, and we all out here will be sending so much positivity, love, faith, hope and prayers. Fondest greetings, Jean.
ReplyDeleteI don't really know what to say, except that you are our prayers. I hope you find the answer you need.
ReplyDeleteGirl, I knows you and I knows you will climb dis mountain like always!
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to our bodies it is hard not to be angry and depressed when sumptin' goes wrong. I is just so upset you is havin' to go through all dis again. But we will be heres fur you through all of it no matters what.
Oh and I hears beer is good fur pain...sorry, just tryin' to be a smile to your face.
Puddles
Oh KB, truly not the news anyone wants to hear! We're so sorry that you have to endure all of this pain and anguish. I hope that you keep us posted as to your decisions (hey, we're all family here). If we can help in any way just let us know. We're always here for you!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Lily Belle, Muffin & Mommy Kim
I am hoping that you will get better if you decide to go with the surgery and it seems like you have little choice now. The very best of luck with that and I sincerely hope you can live a more pain-free life afterwards.
ReplyDeleteMarilyn
So frustrating. I always question the saying It was meant to be, despite believing it. Mom was out 10 months with a tears in her neck, disc problems etc. lots of good vibes sent your way
ReplyDeleteLily
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. But doctors can do AMAZING things these days. I speak from experience; I recently had lumbar spine surgery that completely removed the debilitating pain I'd had for several years whenever I was on my feet. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope that fixing the disk in your spine will help your shoulder problems to resolve on their own! Be strong, and know that you have many, many people supporting you through this!
ReplyDeleteOh, my friend. I'm sorry the medical news is so complicated. All of us here are sending our very best wishes for all the discussions and decisions to come.
ReplyDeleteHi KB,
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong, appreciative and enjoy life so much, I pray you find your way and your world will soon be filled with sunshine, joy and good health.
BrownDog's Human
Good thoughts and good wishes and healing mojo sent your way.
ReplyDeleteIt's perfectly normal to be angry and frustrated, and it's perfectly ok to admit that. Chronic pain is exhausting and frightening. I wish you didn't have to go through that. :(
Wonderful Pictures!! Shyla is so good looking!
ReplyDeletePain doesn't make the short days any easier to handle. I wish neither of us had to cope with the pain. But as you say, it could be much worse. I hope your options are workable, but I do wish you didn't have to endure another surgery. Nevertheless, I hope you can bound back like one of your labs if you do have to go under the knife again, and I hope whatever happens will help you return to the zest of life.
ReplyDeleteKB, I can't imagine how such news could be cheerfully received. I would be upset and angry at fate, too (as a matter of fact, I AM upset and angry at fate right now--for other reasons).
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your problem has been diagnosed so you can move forward and put together a plan of action. I know you've tried to postpone surgical intervention as long as possible.
I hope that soon you'll be on the road to recovery and feeling no pain!
Susan (and Wrigs)
Dear KB, sorry to be so long away; I just retroactively read 10 of your posts and came back to this particular one to comment because I empathize so totally with everything you've said. The specifics are different, but I recognize in your writing so much of my own day-to-day, month-to-month,year-to-year experience of dealing with (and sometimes truly struggling to deal with) chronic pain issues. I applaud your determination to do the physical things you enjoy just as much as you can, whenever you can, and with a wide-open heart. I understand perfectly the inspiration you find in your animal companions and the outdoor world. You know I'l be hoping for the best in your upcoming treatment, whatever it turns out to be. Good thoughts to you and yours, every day. Q
ReplyDelete