Finding Smiles

Life is feeling a little out of control these days - kind of like this photo of Shyla streaking past me during her brief running time.

My spine has decided that it's time to remind me who is boss. It's not me. Rather, it's those fused sections of my spine and the other degenerating parts. My hands are constantly falling asleep, so intensely that they wake me up during the night. And, during the day, my right hand hurts almost all the time. It's not a problem with my hands themselves but rather a problem with the parts of my spine that carry the nerves to my hands.

I had a change in health insurance in the past year, and my new carrier doesn't believe in preventative care. Since my situation is not going to be cured by physical therapy, they won't pay for it. I've finally decided that I'll have to foot the bill. Therapy is better than surgery.

As always, when life feels like it's spiraling out of control, I have a few things that I focus on that make me smile. First, my dogs... and, right now, it's mainly Shyla. I found myself pining for K today, wanting my steady friend next to me again - wanting to recapture the life that we had before K was diagnosed with cancer last Christmas Eve. But then I was reminded of how much Shyla needs me to teach her about the world right now, and it brought me back to the present. I have to remember that she's really still a puppy! We don't have the depth of bond that I had with K but we have tons of potential for one.

In these unsteady times, I also focus on riding my bike. It's still dry and warm here at home but nature has gone to sleep for the winter so the world looks drab - brown grass, no leaves, and almost no snow. Today, I looked back at some of my bike riding photos from Utah. Ah...

Finally, to find my spark of enthusiasm, I never stop searching for new places where our animals like to travel, visit, and mark. I was rewarded with a photo of what I believe is the mother mountain lion who we've been following via trail camera photos. I think that she's moved her "core" area a few miles, and I'm capturing her photo regularly in a new area.

She's an amazing specimen - a big and very strong animal. When I first started this hobby, I'd get a huge surge of adrenaline whenever I saw a lion photo on my trail camera. Now, I look around me to make sure that no one is watching me but I don't feel worried or wired. Instead, I feel honored that I managed to catch glimpse of these elusive animals' lives.

Without our passions in life, how would we get by? We're each unique in what makes us happy but I feel lucky that I've found some things that keep me smiling even when the going gets a little rough.