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Saturday, November 10, 2012

We're Not Lightning Rods

I'm having a rough weekend so far. I feel as if I risked my heart again, somewhat reluctantly after the heartbreak of K's death, and now my heart is being trampled, again. Shyla was my hope for a happy and unworried dog life, for at least a few years. It seems as if we've skipped straight from the puppy happiness to the "older dog worries" while her age is still measured in months and she has no white fur on her muzzle.
Serious bone infections and osteosarcoma are rare things. I have to believe that we are not being struck by lightning twice in one year. The Runner feels confident that we are not lightning rods. I am not as confident but I'm heartened by his attitude...
All of us dog lovers know, even when we meet our puppy for the very first time, that someday, hopefully many years later, we will cry tears of deep grief for our puppy. But, we do give our hearts to dogs again and again because the joy of the journey far outweighs the grief of the parting. For the first time, I am having to contemplate this rationalization in a puppy. The joy still wins... but it's a much harder tradeoff to contemplate.

I'm sorry for this morose post... I write from my heart so I can't pretend.

40 comments:

  1. I wish I had the right words but perhaps there aren't any just now. You are much in my thoughts this weekend. And I'm hoping against hope that you will not be facing difficult decisions next week.

    Take care, good blogger buddy, and know that my heart is reaching out to you in cyberspace.

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  2. Hugs to you. I agree with the Runner, you aren't lightning rods!
    Nola

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  3. I love that you write from your heart.

    I'm so sorry that you have so much worry right now. Whatever is plaguing Shyla, you will get through it. And she is so lucky to have you. You will get her through it.

    She needs you.

    You belong to each other, and that gives both of you strength. She will comfort you as you care for her.

    I'm sending both of you hugs, and hope that there is no need for worry.

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  4. Heartfelt words, and we are here for you, Shyla,R and Runner. you never need to be sorry for any words, as we understand, To love, , we know that later, and we all hope so much later, we will grieve.I hope that you can accept from afar, over the water, and in your own country,all the love,caring thoughts and support from all of us.Blogland gives so much,and at times like this, gives so much more. Hugs, and love from Jean.

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  5. I refuse to believe you are a lightning rod. You are in our prayers. My tear filled eyes are tears of hope. BIG hug for you and for that sweet sweet girl of yours.
    Blessings,
    Goose

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  6. Dearest Friend, you are amazing in your strength and refusal to totally give yourself over to panic. The White Dog Army in following your example will be confident in our belief that your precious girl will be shielded from the beast and this will not be a new chapter in a painful old story. We send our strongest positive energy asking the Universe to show compassion and a long commitment to seeing your newly bonding family thrive. Feel our hearts and paws surrounding you.

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  7. I know you have been in at least three of my 'conversations' with friends today -

    I can't shake the posts - and the pics - and the words -

    It seems SO surreal to me - and I'm sure that is minor compared to how it feels for you -

    Please KNOW we are here -

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  8. Ann...from Outer Banks of NC....said ....Please know KB....that love is all around you and nothing but positive thoughts are coming your way.....Let your heart listen to the comfort of all the good things that your angel will bring you....and as you receive the blessings....you'll know that life is so generous a giver...and I will never stop wishing that your beautiful journey (that we all share with you) will be touched by kindness-inspired by wisdom- graced with understanding and kept safe...I think I'm going to cry....I know I can speak for everyone here...we love all of you...HUGS

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  9. I'm so sorry that you are having this worry! I can't imagine how you must be feeling, but I am glad that you at least have an outlet with which you can share your feelings about the good times and the bad. It's amazing to me how a little thing called blogging can link us together to the extent that it does.

    I wish I had something really wise and comforting to say, but I'm not that smart. Just know that there are more people than you can even imagine who are hoping for the best...for ALL of you!

    Lori

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  10. We are with you too. Thinking positive thoughts for Shyla. I believe the Runner is right, and Monday will tell you.

    We will be here, heart in hand, waiting for the news and expecting it to be good.

    Jo, Stella and Zkhat

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  11. Don't get ahead of yourself. You don't know anything yet. Sending rottie kisses.

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  12. We are thinking of you all. Paws crossed for good news on Monday.

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  13. KB, we truly believe Shyla will be fine. Keep strong friend. We are right here with you. No worries, and LOVE, Carol (and Stella and Rory)

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  14. Please know that we are all holding you and your family in our thoughts and prayers...waiting with you. We love you all. Praying for good news. Shyla is beautiful and so are you.
    xo Jeanne, Chloe and LadyBug

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  15. It is normal for you to feel as you do, along with a hefty dose of anger, probably. The Runner is right in being positive but it can be so hard, especially when one is still fragile fro the last loss.

    I lost my little cat, Sen-Chan, at 18 months to feline leukemia. I didn't know he had it when I took him in, but I knew he was not well and desperately needed to get out of were he was and really wanted to come with me. So, I took him home and enjoyed his amazing presence for 15 months. After he died, Yuu-Chan came, apparently healthy, but, a year later, at 15 months, he died of the same thing, and left an even bigger hole in my heart, if that is even possible. That was two years ago now. The two horses and Genji have joined our pack since then. I still miss the two little guys more than I can say, but I know I gave them all the love in the world during the short time we were together, and that brings me comfort.

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  16. You and Shyla have been constantly in our thoughts and prayers, KB. We are so hoping for good news!

    Love ya lots,
    Mitch and Molly

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  17. We feel with you....its terrible but we will hope for the best....it cant be that way.
    Hugs from us all!!

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  18. OK, no pretending here... Sitting here with my early morning coffee in beautiful Florida watching an amazing sunrise and bawling my eyes out for you. We have not stopped worrying about Shyla (and you). We are praying as hard as one can possibly pray. We remember you in our daily prayers my friend.

    Keep your chin up and I agree with the Runner, NO lightening rods there!

    Hugs,
    Kim

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  19. No matter what happens with Shyla, when I think of all the socialization work and training you've done with her, I just think about how much it will all benefit her now as she is having to travel, and see different doctors, and have these numerous tests. Can you imagine her stress level if she hadn't had you to get her to this place over the last few months?? I have to believe the Runner is right, and this will not be a deja vu experience; but in any case, you have definitely been Shyla's angel in that you have prepared her to get through this stressful time...

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  20. We have always said that it is the joy we find within our relationship with our pets that outweighs any hurt or pain. We hope that you haven't been struck twice but remember to take the good along this journey too. Miss Shyla is growing into quite a pretty and well trained girl.

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  21. It is so hard to know what to say other than this is just unbelievable and we can only hope for that fracture to be the cause. All the very best of good thoughts and prayers are flying to you from us. Wish we could do more.

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  22. I read something a while back, and I think about it a lot whenever I need some perspective on events:

    "The end is in the beginning. Nevertheless, we go on."

    But I'm still sorry you have this worry here at the beginning. :( Much love and good wishes to all of you...

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  23. I have been tru this too. After I had lost one dog to cancer. My dog I have now had a swollen leg. I was told it was cancer and she had to have emergency surgery. They final report came back spider bite that had necortize and presented it self as a cancer. But I do know how you are feeling. Leigh

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  24. I honestly don't know what to say ... except that I am choosing to believe, like The Runner, that you are not a lightning rod. Please know that you are very much in our thoughts and prayers, and please don't worry or apologize for sounding morose. In your shoes I'd be on the floor right now. Sending lots of hugs.

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  25. I got Todd for the same reasons you let Shyla into your life. I just have to hope beyond anything that the Runner is right, he just has to be!

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  26. We don't want or need you to pretend-just know that your honesty is precious, and we are all thinking of you and Shyla and praying that it is nothing serious.

    All positive thoughts are with you from our end.

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  27. Ok, KB- your vet is right- if it is something...bad...Shyla WAS given to you so you could help her through her life, however long. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and it's hard to understand why. It's not fair that you're being dealt this hand of horrible canine cards, but you have a job to do. Love that dog HARD!

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  28. Of course you shouldn't pretend! I agree with The Runner, for what it's worth. I know that right now it's a scary prospect to look at, but my gut still tells me that it is very unlikely that Shyla is facing the worst case scenario. It's an odd quirk, whatever is happening, but I have faith that you're going to get better news this time.

    And I feel, no matter what the outcome is, that Shyla was absolutely meant to be with you. Even if it does turn out to be really bad news, I can't imagine Shyla not having lived her life there with you in the mountains. When I see her pictures, her face radiates joy. If she had never come to you, you know she would not have experienced that.

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  29. Yikes, we've missed reading your blog for about 10 days and the sky seems to be falling. This can NOT be happening. We're keeping our paws crossed for all of you and we are determinedly optimistic about Shyla. Mama has always believed God sends us the dogs He needs us to have because He knows we'll go to the ends of the earth to take care of them. Hugs & slurps.

    Jed & Abby

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  30. oh my god im so sorry for all the worry your going thru again so soon, its so unfair xxxxx

    im keeping everything crossed for you that it all turns out ok.

    let us know as soon as you find out the results, i hope its ok, life would be too cruel to do the same thing to you again and so soon. be strong and keep positive till then.

    lots of love

    Charlene and Stormy
    xxx

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  31. We are thinking of you today and hoping that the doctors find an easily treatable problem. I know that whatever happens, you will be there for Shyla. We will be there for you. Big hug to you!

    Susan and Wrigs

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  32. Our thoughts are with all of you.

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  33. Nope! You are not lightening rods and I think everything will have a positive outcome. I think you and Shyla are meant to spend many, many heart filled joyous years together. :) We have everything crossed that we can possibly cross!

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  34. Oh, I am so sorry to hear about this. I am hoping things go better today than you imagined. If not, please know that we are all here for you. We will do our best to help you through this as you help Shyla through whatever comes. Please keep us posted and know that you are continually in my prayers.

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  35. Not morose in the least. Very heartfelt and deep.

    I just realized my sister-in-law is going through her second big scare at the very same time; I think she went through the first one with K. The journey has not been long enough for you and Shyla or my sister-in-law. I wish there was some big force field I could wrap around all of you to protect you.

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  36. You aren't lightning rods! We are sending you hugs.

    Sam

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  37. Spill it all out....I want to believe the Runner and I am going to accept the attitude....anything else is just so unfair. Many hugs going your way!
    RON

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  38. KB, Waiting for any word on Shyla. I thought of you all morning and you have continued to be on my mind this afternoon. Thank you for being transparent with us; thank you for allowing us to come alongside you and cover you with our thoughts and prayers.
    Hugs, Noreen

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  39. No, you are not a lightening rod but you sure must be feeling like one. I've been so busy, only able to take a few moments here and there to skim your photos and posts, but this one got a big pause and I had to back pedal to figure out when this started. I can't believe this can be cancer or anything serious for that matter. I'll be waiting and hoping that some sort of life fairness kicks in and there is good new.

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