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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Renewal of Life

Just about a year ago, K was becoming much more sedentary as the end neared. She and I would take short walks in the morning, and then she'd watch my back while I worked on the garden. I was nurturing Columbine seedlings that had just sprouted. One of those Columbines is about to bloom.
As I watch it becoming a delicate flower, it reminds me of the renewal of life, even after a heart-breaking loss. I utter the words "I miss K" almost every day but I am finding happiness again. This girl is certainly helping.
It's only because I am finally emerging from the fog that I realize what a trance I fell into after K's death. Over the past 11 months, I put one foot in front of the other and marched through life but I didn't truly see the beauty or feel the joy that life has to offer.
I'm starting to come back to life, just like that Columbine that K helped me nurture. Although K's Columbines aren't open yet, Columbines are opening on the floors of aspen groves throughout our forest. Ah, the beauty...


  1. It feels good when you finally getting to the point where you're healing enough to see such beauty again.
    Nola's Mom

  2. It takes time. And the deeper the love and connection, the longer the recovery. We are so happy that Shyla is bringing joy back to your life - we know you have given her the same in return.

  3. I know we are all happy for you and amazed at the great job you are doing with the Mountain Girl.

    Cheeers and hugs,

    Jo, Stella, and Zkhat

  4. We need reassurance, thank you
    Benny & Lily

  5. That flower, close-up, shows beauty so well, and after sadness and grief, nature can give us this, in our hands and in your camera's lens . K would be looking over your shoulder as you focused on the petals, always there with you in spirit and heart. Fond greetings, as you venture on familiar trails and some new ones in your mountains. Jean.

  6. I can feel your heart speaking. It always tells the truth- and you share.
    You are healing,, your wings are healing with the help of Shyla and Angel K,.
    Such a beautiful post.
    The Columbines are breath taking,

  7. I look forward to your Columbine pictures all year! :) I think it's one of K's ways of always being remembered with a smile.

  8. tonight's post truly makes our hearts joyful! we are singing and wagging with the news that your world is regaining color and awe.

  9. It is great to have that level of self- awareness, where you know where your mind and your heart are. And for what it's worth, we think you did a great job at putting one foot in front of the other - it's not easy, but you stayed with us and made truly meaningful blog posts - that's impressive!

  10. It is so hard to remember at times of utter loss and pain that joy still resides in the world and will come knocking again.

  11. And you will continue to put one foot in front of the other! We are thrilled that Shyla is helping you to heal a little bit.

    The Columbine has such beauty and will always be special to you. We can totally understand why.

    Lily Belle & Muffin

  12. Yes, it can take a long time for the spirit to recover from a major life blow - I was in a fog for 2 1/2 years, then suddenly one day I was standing at my kitchen window, drinking a cup of coffee and looking out at the yard and suddenly thought "I'm happy", and I knew that I had come through it...

  13. so glad you are feeling the joy again, and seeing the beauty....Shyla is so strong!

  14. Such beauty!

    It does take a very long time to overcome such a loss. My first Cardi died 10 years ago this summer, and when I go through his photo album, I still get moved to tears.

  15. We're happy to read that joy and sunlight are re-entering your life. And we're glad that Shyla is a big part of your journey.

    Nadine & goldens Neeli & Elle

  16. I have been in the same exact place. When I lost my boy, Lad, to cancer, I thought I would never get over the loss. I would get through the work day, and then cry in the car on the way home, knowing he wasn't going to be there when I opened the door.

    And my other collies are helping me heal, but I still miss him, always will. These furry beings wiggle their way into our hearts, and when they leave us, they take part of our hearts with them.

  17. I know exactly what you mean - it took me a good long while for the veil to lift after I lost my Shadow to cancer. It's good to know that has finally happened for you. :)

  18. Mom just made your beautiful Columbine her desktop background~~ To you and angel K, KB!

    Love ya lots♥
    Mitch and Molly

  19. Healing takes time. It's something no one can rush and you'll never know in the beginning how long it will last. I'm so glad to hear that you're seeing the beauty in life again.

  20. A super photo of the blue Columbine. None are blooming at my house except the one I just bought!

  21. There is something magical and healing about columbines. I've always felt a special fondness for them. I'm so excited to hear you have a columbine for K. Such memories will bloom every year!

  22. Hi there KB
    I'm sorry I've not been around much and also sorry to hear that you've been battling over the past year. It's true - it takes time to heal. Don't rush it. There are still times when I have a hiccup too...even though its been over 3 years. But then I remember Max...everywhere; in the sunrise, in the birdsong, in the quiet moments, in the energy of my current companions. K will be with you forever.
    And wow, you do have a challenge with Shyla. Doggie stress is tricky, but she has you to help her. She's very beautiful. Those eyes!
    sending lotsaluv to you.

  23. There is no timeframe for grieving...your post brought tears to my precious life is...grab it and enjoy. May those beautiful flowers put a smile on your face with memories of beautiful K, who will reside in your heart forever. Thinking of you...

  24. Columbine are one of my favorite wildflowers, and when I discover one blooming in a spot where I haven't seen them before it always feels like such a precious gift. I can see why yours also feel that way :)


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