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Monday, January 13, 2014

A Leap of Faith

The wind and blinding blowing snow has dominated our lives over the past week. However, each morning, it seems like there's a brief calm around sunrise. Shyla and I take full advantage of it.

During the lull, she can stand tall and look confident.
And, I can feel the peace of the forest and enjoy the brief quiet and serenity. After the sunrise lull, the wind has been so strong that it's hard to stand up at times, precluding any serious thought about anything but the wind. At one point today, I'd gotten off my bike because the gusts were so strong, and the wind ripped my bike out of my hands and hurled it on the ground. Incredible.

During my ride today, I finally decided to stop all the invasive tests on my shoulder and neck - to stop all the poking and big needles - and to get my shoulder surgically fixed on Friday. My gut tells me that it's the best of my options because the downside potential is much lower than for spinal surgery. Then, as my shoulder heals and the pain from its damage goes away, I can evaluate how soon my neck needs to be fixed.

I realized, in making this decision, that I'm the only one who really knows what the pain is like. The "experts" can call for more and more tests but I can actually feel the pain and they can't. So, I decided that I needed to have trust in my own intuition, after having spent weeks weighing the opinions of a number of experts.

So, I'm taking a leap of faith on Friday. I always feel like surgery is a leap of faith because I let a team of people put me to sleep and do dangerous work on my body. I am take the leap of faith that they'll take good care of me, and that the surgeon will have a "good day".
Isn't it bizarre that, after my decision, I started wondering how I was going to get a photo for my 365 day photo challenge on my surgery day? I had to laugh at myself when I realized that was what I was thinking about. I guess it's a good distraction from the really important stuff.

In news of R, he went to the hospital to have his bandage changed today. His incision looked so good that they didn't put on another bandage. His elbow is slightly swollen and the stitches are now exposed to the air - but I think we're headed in the right direction. However, on the way home, he started salivating like an open faucet. I suspect nausea but I'm not sure. I have a call into the vet just in case...

However, overall, I think he's doing stunningly well. Smiles all around!


TexWisGirl said...

glad r's incision is doing well! hope he feels good tonight!

i am glad for you - that you were able to come to a decision YOU are comfortable with. sounds like you got plenty of medical opinions before making your own. :)

Hailey and Zaphod and their Lady said...

Doctors can only be our guides through the possibilities, at a certain point we have to do what our bodies say is right. I am sure you are doing the right thing for you! I wish your surgeon an excellent day on Friday.

So glad to hear about R!

Taryn said...

You are absolutely right, it's your body, it's your decision based on how you feel.

Glad R had a good report!

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Trust yourself KB-- you know what needs to happen for you to get better- one moment at a time.
We are right there with you,, and we have faith,,, your going to get fixed up!

houndstooth said...

I'm so glad that R is healing so quickly, and I'm happy for you that you have the peace of having made a decision. Perhaps a quick picture in the morning before you go to the hospital? A camera phone picture of the ceiling when you wake up?

Nancy J said...

Decisions that need to be made, once done, it all seems easier. R, did he have any antiseptic wash, or anything to clean the wound? Some flea treatments for cats, that get rubbed in at the back of their neck can have that effect, quite frightening . I think it might be the smell. Hope R is OK now, and you are more settled with Friday not far away. Fond greetings, Jean.

NCmountainwoman said...

You are absolutely out the knowledge of the experts and then follow your gut. Especially in your case, you know so much more about your body than anyone else. There's a great peace of mind that comes with such a decision. Enjoy the week as we send positive energy to support you. Smiles all around, indeed.

Nola said...

Glad he's doing well! Paws crossed your surgery goes well.

Laura DeSimone said...

Sending positive thoughts your way. Had knee replacement in June and have no regrets. Pain is gone and I'm on my bike. :-)

Two French Bulldogs said...

Definitely a good distraction. You know I will have my paws crossed for you

Millie and Walter said...

I hope you are able to get that picture on Friday just to help keep you a bit distracted from your surgery. Glad to hear R is healing well.


SlimDoggy said...

I'm sure it was a tough decision, but you are right, sometimes you have to make that leap and hope it turns out for the best. Good luck!

Cocoa and Melon said...

Your posts are just always so perfect - so interesting and genuine. Glad to hear you've got a plan of action and I hope R feels better! Great to know his incision is good.

Tom, Tama-Chan, Sei-Chan, Bibi-Chan, Gen-Chan, Vidock, Violette said...

Good for you for making that decision. It sounds like it was the exact one that needed to be made, the proof being in your photo worries!

Glad of the news about R. Hope the salivating was just a temporary phenomenon.

Mitch and Molly said...

We're glad you have made your decision, KB. Hopefully, it puts your mind at ease - well, a little bit anyway.
Your wind gusts are something else! WOW!
You're getting there, R! We continue to send you tons of positive vibes and AireZen!

Love ya lots♥
Mitch and Molly

Sam said...

We will all be thinking of you and saying prayers on Friday. You are so right - I made the decision to "divorce" my pain doctors at my next appointment. They don't have my best interest at heart, and it is time I told them that.

Monty and Harlow

Roxy the traveling dog said...

Good news about R. And you have to listen to your body. You know whats best for you.

Lovable Lily said...

Good for you KB, for making that ever tough decision. You too are going to do just fine on Friday with your surgery. You have some mighty fine nurses at home just waiting to take care of you!

We hope that R is doing well.

Lily Belle & Muffin

Max Mom said...

For some reason, I am at a loss for words today, so am just going to send lots of love to you. My prayers are with you too..for your peace of mind, care in the surgeons' hands and a good outcome. Rest well, my friend.

Kari in Alaska said...

Wind is my least favorite weather!

Stop on by for a visit

CheerfulMonk said...

As always, our hearts are with you. I think the photo challenge is a good one --- it's one that would help me. It's something you have some control over.

Lindsjö taxar said...

Great news about R!! Curious what the vet says now about his saliating

Dawn said...

Wishing you the best with your surgery. It sounds like you have made the right decision for you. I too suffer neck problems - I'd be interested in hearing more about yours if ever you care to share. You have my email from this comment, right? Your pups will help with your recovery :) Be well!

Champion of My Heart said...

Sending all of our very best MOJO to you for surgery and recovery -- both you and R. Best, best wishes on Friday.

Andrea said...

OK, KB, you're next!! :)

R was first.... I went 2nd.... now you're last but definitely not least!! ((((((())))))

I went to the dr yesterday to have my dressing removed. Everything looks good although I still have some nausea as well. I'm salivating on occasion like R... it's rough having the dr "play" with your surgical site (right, R??).

R & I made the path clear for you, honey... now it's your turn. And you WILL be fine... a little rough for the wear, like R & me, but we made it & you will too.

Love ya & show em how it's done, girl!!


~ Kirra ~ said...

A wise decision and once in which you have obviously given a great deal of thought.

As to blogging on your surgery day - perhaps a 'sleep over' caption may be the order of the day.

Wonderful news of R and feel sure Shyla will be a good nurse to you all.

Hawkeye BrownDog said...

Hi Y'all!

Sometimes the mind knows best and turns to "things less threatening and worrisome" to worry about.

Hawk aka BrownDog

Hawkeye BrownDog said...

Hi Y'all!

Sometimes the mind knows best and turns to "things less threatening and worrisome" to worry about.

Hawk aka BrownDog

Hawkeye BrownDog said...

Hi Y'all!

Sometimes the mind knows best and turns to "things less threatening and worrisome" to worry about.

Hawk aka BrownDog

Snowcatcher said...

Well, on the bright side, I'm glad I get to wish you well before your surgery. I'm so far behind, I thought perhaps you were under the knife right now.

Spine/Neck surgery is much more complicated and trickier than shoulder surgery. You will come through this fine. You have good doctors, and they will do their very best.

You're in my prayers. And I'm sure you'll be able to snap some kind of photo on surgery day... because you're a camera bug like me, and I did!