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Thursday, January 23, 2014
Resigned but Lucky
All week, I've felt anxious about all the curveballs that life is throwing at us. I've tried to enjoy my time outdoors with the pups and tracking wildlife, hoping that would help reduce my stress.
I enjoyed Shyla's goofiness. I love capturing moments like this one with my camera. I wonder what she was looking at!
By last evening, a small winter storm was moving in, and my stress was simultaneously spiking. My surgery date was almost here, and my gut said it wasn't the right course of action.
Overnight, as snow blanketed our world, I reached a decision in the midst of my angst. I decided to follow my strong gut feeling and indefinitely postpone my surgery.
Two things led me to make this decision. One is that my pain has felt like it is originating in my spine, and not in my shoulder, for the past few weeks. That's a big change from back when I decided to have shoulder surgery. The second is that I keep getting small infections, suggesting to me that my body isn't ready to take the leap into surgery right now.
With my gradually returning calmness this morning, Shyla and I enjoyed our playtime in the snow. She ran with abandon, despite the bitter cold that had arrived with the snow. We also found mountain lion tracks... and photos of him on multiple trail cameras! I'll save those for another day.
Now, we're lucky enough to have a warm fire crackling as I reflect on
the day. I don't know what's going to happen next in my quest to reduce
my pain. In fact, I feel small bit of resignation that perhaps it can't
be helped without the risk of spine surgery.
Feeling resigned not the easiest place to be - but I still know that I'm lucky in many parts of my life. I love my pack, and I love where I live. And, I have a warm home on this cold night. Lucky indeed.