The toughest thing over the past week has been that I've had four migraines (in one week). The most recent one was last night, starting with a terror-inducing light show in my vision. I don't know why the visual auras scare me so much, but they do. Then it moved through the other migraine symptoms, including a throbbing headache, which I still have a trace of now.
Unfortunately, my doctors are pursuing the notion that sarcoidosis has "attacked" my brain, and that's why I'm having a sudden onslaught of migraines. I had an MRI yesterday, and the images seemed to support that notion but I'll get more information from experts soon.
Everyone has their own unique way of handling crises. At the beginning of a crisis, I have a bad tendency to invent ways of blaming myself for it. In one of my most serious crises years ago, when I learned that I couldn't have kids because of endometriosis, the self-blame game dominated my seriously flawed thought process. My crazy logic was that I'd been working too hard and had somehow caused the endometriosis by tiring myself out too much. Needless to say - that's impossible.
It took an insightful person to point out that "self-blame is a way of claiming that you have control over what happens to you" - and she went on to gently suggest that accepting that I don't have full control is a better strategy. That advice changed me forever. It's part of why I make a point of seizing each day - because I don't know what will happen tomorrow.
I had to give myself that talk again today when I noticed self-blame sneaking into my head, and it worked. Now, I'm going to focus on how to stop these runaway migraines. And, I'm going to hope that it doesn't require extreme medical measures.